I'm sorry I'm such a flip flop. ;__;
I guess... My drive is so influenced by the enthusiasm of others, it makes it difficult to tell what I really want. because fulfilling others desires makes me happy, and I tend to chalk up disregarding that as selfishness. I can't deny I felt relieved, though, at the time, when I said I didn't want to leave Washington, and excited at the prospect of really hunkering down and getting back to finding that art job.
But last night I saw just how crushed my wife is, and I'm wavering again (God damn it). Is it worth it to stay and pursue an ideal with a disapointed spouse, or to be more realistic and make her (and her brother) happy by moving? And there will still be jobs in art out there too right? And we'd start making money instead of breaking even right?
I think I just can't stand to see others disappointed by a decision I've made. It's crippling. I tried to provide an ultimatum: "if I don't make significant progress in finding a job by January..." but she said I already missed my last one. Well I guess I have more time now to try. I want to make it worth it.
Posted via LiveJournal app for Android.